New Experiences Build Confidence

Where does confidence come from, anyway? Are people born with it, or is it learned? Maybe a little of both. How do you develop confidence?

I have read (and lots of people have told me) that the only way to become confident is to act as if you are. Then, whatever you undertake will become easier each time. Whether it’s public speaking, learning a foreign language, experimenting with a craft project, or working with new technology, the more you work at it, the more skilled you become.

The one example that bears out in my life, other than getting my writing published, is that for many years I was terrified of using the telephone—a problem that plagued me through college. Journalism, where I would find answers to life’s burning questions and write about undiscovered things, would also force me to pick up the phone and interview complete strangers. That helped to cure me.

I don’t really know why I didn’t like to use the phone; that’s just the way it was. Ironically, the summer jobs I had, and my first professional job, involved much telephone and switchboard work. Over time, a lot of people would ask for me directly when seeking assistance. But there are still days when I have to rehearse a couple of minutes before picking up the handset of my cordless phone, or put it on speakerphone. I selected “Für Elise” as the ringtone for my landline phone. For my new cell phone, I chose a tropical ringtone melody. Both of these make me feel better.

One of the most helpful things anyone ever said to me on the job was, “Of course you can do it! You’re not an airbrain!” At the time I was trying out desktop publishing on a colleague’s Mac. I had never used one before, and was terrified that I would erase the machine’s hard drive. My co-worker showed me a few tips, and then I felt better, and went on to produce flyers and charts for work-related assignments. I never became a graphic designer, but it helped me get over my nervousness about computers in general, and I wanted to know how they worked.

The other way to become confident is to try new things, as scary as it feels. If you are good at leading or speaking in front of small groups, try addressing a larger one. Do you enjoy community plays or musical theater? Try auditioning. Interested in volunteering? Sign up. Interested in art or photography? Sign up for a class. You may surprise yourself.

My aunt is always saying we should attend a kabuki theater production to stretch ourselves, since we go to other types of productions. (She was only kidding at first.) We read a good review once, and promised ourselves we would go to the next kabuki production, even though we know nothing about it. We’ll be there one day. But first comes The Lion King this summer.

You don’t have to be outstanding; just enjoy whatever you are doing. I was never great at Toastmaster’s, but I loved the club that I was in and meeting people from other clubs during competitions. I still enjoy public speaking, as long as I practice a lot beforehand. I may join another chapter at some point. I wasn’t a great swimmer, but I always felt better being in the water, and wished adapted swimming sessions could be longer than 45 minutes twice a week. Maybe I’ll do that again, too.

Of course, it could go the other way. I signed up for an art exploration course one summer, and realized after the first two-hour session that it just wasn’t a good idea. I can’t draw worth a damn, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to try something new. But sometimes that isn’t worth the price of the class. Luckily, I was able to get a refund. And more than a few needlework projects still lie unfinished in a drawer. I’ll finish them one day. It’s just much slower when one hand doesn’t work as well as the other. The bead-stringing workshop would have been a better fit, but I was able to get materials on my own and make necklaces for other people. Never could fit in an art history course, but I read a lot about that anyway. People beg me not to sing, so that killed any attempts at musical theater or forming a band. I’m still not the greatest at networking events, but at least I go when I can.

One time I went to a daylong biology meeting at a local university just for the hell of it. I have no background in biology, and had no real reason for being there, except for looking for something new to write about. That event didn’t result in an article assignment, but it did start me thinking about environmental stewardship. I also learned about Rachel Carson and her work. On breaks I met a lot of great people who were passionate about our planet. Since then, I have written a couple of articles about environmental groups and “living green.” No opportunity to write about solar energy yet.

Confidence comes from trying new experiences, and new experiences enrich our lives in unexpected ways.